Angel Fred Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb Transcripts

Angel Episode #44: Season 2 Episode 22

Disclaimer: Angel is (c) 2000 by the Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. Angel is produced by Mutant Enemy, Inc., Greenwolf Corp, Kazui Enterprises, and Sandollar Television for Twentieth Century Fox Television.

Written by David Greenwalt

Directed By: David Greenwalt

Transcript taken from BuffyWorld

Gunn Speech Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb Groo Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
Amgel Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb Angelus Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
Groo Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb Gunn Theres No Place Like Plrtz Glrb

Previously on Angel:

Director: "Show the cleavage, say the line. Got it?"
Cordy: "Got it."

Wesley on phone: "I've been put in charge of our group."

Angel: "What do we do, Wesley?"
Wesley: "Uhm, uh..."

Gunn: "Last night I lost one of my crew. I should have been there."

Angel: "God, I hate LA. When can we get out of this world?"

Wesley: "Cordy's been sucked into the portal. She's in the host's dimension."

Angel: "We're going in after her."

The convertible barrels through the gate.

Angel standing in the sun.
Wesley: "The meta-physical laws that govern our world don't seem to apply here."
Angel looks at himself in the mirror.

Wesley: "Cordelia?"
Cordy: "They made me their ruler."

Silas: "Your Majesty, the groosalug."
Cordy smiles at Groo.

Mom: "Krelorneswath?"
Mom spits.
Lorne: "My mother!"

Angel stands over Fred holding the crebbil.
Landok: "Strike quickly and true, Angel. Then we can eat."

Fred: "Handsome man - saved me from the monsters."

Angel morphs into the Angel-beast.

Wes and Gunn are bound to a post in the rebel camp.
Leader: "Shove the list in their mouths, put their severed heads on sticks and display them outside the princess's window."

Silas to Cordy: "You will do what we say."
Removes the lid to reveal Lorne's head on a silver platter.

Cordy stands alone in front of Lorne's severed head sobbing.
Cordy: "No. Oh, no. - God, please forgive me. This is all my fault. Because I pardoned you - and they - they wanted to teach me a lesson. - You didn't do anything wrong."
Cordy reaches out as if to touch Lorne's cheek, but pulls her hand back at the last moment.
Cordy: "You didn't do anything. - I don't like it here anymore. - I just wanna go home."
Cordy covers her face with her hands, so she doesn't see Lorne's eyes open.
Lorne: "Oh, honey, I'm right there with you."
Cordy pulls her hands form her face, lets out a scream and falls backwards.


Cordy is standing in front of Lorne's head, sustaining one loud, drawn-out scream.
Lorne: "I realize this is a bit of a shock, but I can explain. Take it easy. Okay, get it out of your system. (Laughs a little) That's good. You have to breathe sometime. - Good lord, shut up, woman!"
Cordy finally quits screaming, and starts gasping for breath.
Lorne: "It's not like I have hands to cover my ears here, you know?"
Cordy points at Lorne's head: "Y-y-you-you're... I-it's..."
Lorne: "So, please just listen? My people, the fun-loving Deathwok clan, you cut off our heads we just keep on ticking until you mutilate our bodies. Obviously they haven't gotten to my body yet. Probably a backlog in the mutilation chamber. So if we move quickly and quietly..."
The door bursts open and Cordy spins around with a gasp, stepping between the head and the door. Two cow slaves walk in.
Markallo: "Oh sacred princess, are you troubled? We heard a fearful shrieking."
Cordy: "Oh, the shrieking. It's ah - the royal meditation that I do to help me - focus on the great affairs of state that I must manage."
Takes a deep breath, spreads her hands and lets out a bellowing shriek.
Markallo: "Kaldar, remove the traitor's filthy head from our lady's august presence."
Cordy: "No, no, no, no! I - like the filthy head. That is, ah, I want to defile it more! (Turns and spits on Lorne, who is playing dead) I just keep it - to spit upon, and-and-and when I grow tired of that, I-I-I will make it into ah, a planter. A traitor planter - for *all* to see. - - Or maybe a candy dish. (Sighs) You may leave me."
Markallo: "As you wish noble mistress."
They leave, closing the door behind them and Cordy hurries to wipe Lorne's head with a piece of cloth.
Cordy: "I'm sorry about the spittle. I just had to think fast. - This is just pretty unsettling for me."
Lorne: "Oh, I'm sure it must be. And after all, I only lost my head! Technically my body."
Cordy: "Okay, I realize this is a trying experience but I really don't see how *yelling* at me - can help matters."
Lorne: "Just put me in a bag and take me to the mutilation chamber."
Cordy: "I have no idea where the - mutilation chamber might be! I..."
Lorne: "So, I guess I'll just sit here and die then. Find someone who knows!"


Silas: "In what temper did you find her?"
Markallo: "She appeared grievously distressed, master."
Silas: "Good. We will add more heads to her collection that she might never forget who is the master here and who is the servant."
Turns to the blue faced captain of the palace guard.
Silas: "Her two friends that escaped through the waste canal, send a hunting party south into the woods after them."
Captain: "Yes, lord."
Silas: "As to the one they call Angel - you know what he is?"
Captain: "He is the animal who took apart two of my soldiers."
Priest: "He is a Van-tal, a drinker of blood. He can only be killed by fire, decapitation or a wooden spear through the heart."
Silas: "Perhaps all three, just to be thorough. Hunt him down."
Captain: "It shall be done, my lord. I will personally bury my spear in his rump."
The Captain turns to leave.
Silas: "Captain! His heart is where a cow's is (touches his breast) here."
Captain: "Disgusting."
The Captain leaves.
Priest: "This Angel-beast has saved a runaway slave her rightful beheading. He ignores our laws and profanes our holy culture."
Silas: "He does worse than that. He brings hope to the cows, for if one can be free hope arises that *all* can be free. - Isn't that right, Markallo?"
Markallo: "My lord, as it was ordained in the beginning our lives belong to you."
Silas: "They do. Yet we live in a time where runaways become rebels - where portals open to worlds where the holy clergy has not decreed them. Even slaves supposedly loyal to me - give the enemy drawings to our sacred devices."
Markallo: "I-it is not true, master."
Silas: "Don't be alarmed, Markallo. You did me a favor. The cows need to know what we can do to them - any time we chose."
Silas turns around points a small silver device at Markallo and pushes down on a jewel set in its side. Markallo's eyes widen as we here a whizzing sound, then his head is blown of his shoulders. Silas doesn't show any reaction as we hear a dull thud followed by the slave ring around his neck clinking on the floor.
Silas to Kaldar: "Please clean that up."
Silas looks at the silver device: "And if one of thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite him down."
Pulls a cloth off a console, lets his hand hover over the outline of a hand set with jewels in the middle of it.
Silas: "And if all of thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite them down, too, even upon the very last one in the land."


Day in the rebel camp, Wes and Gunn are kneeling, their hands bound behind their backs, their heads clamped into a pair of stocks.
Leader: "For the crime of collaboration you are sentenced to death."
Wesley: "No! We're *not* collaborators, we're not even from around here!"
Sasha: "On my count of three."
Wesley: "Forgive me, Gunn. I should never have opened my mouth."
Gunn: "I've got a plan."
Wesley: "Oh thank god! What is it?"
Sasha: "One."
Gunn: "We die horribly and painfully, *you* go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of baby Jesus."
Wesley: "Oh."
The rebel standing next to Wesley lifts his ax.
Sasha: "Two."
Gunn squeezes his eyes shut.
Sasha: "Three."
Just as the executioner is about to strike a black-fletched arrow buries itself in his chest and he falls back with a scream, dropping the ax.
The rebel leader spins around to see mounted guards charging down from the surrounding hills.

Leader: "Imperial guards!"
The rebels turn to fight the attacking guards. Wesley and Gunn get up, the stocks clamped around their necks swinging around ponderously.
Wesley: "This is our chance to escape!"
Guard charging towards them: "There they are! Kill the otherworlders!"
Gunn: "I really had about enough of this world."
Gunn and Wesley swing the heavy stocks still clamped around their necks, using them to knock out the soldiers attacking them on foot.


Angel is lying on some pelts on the cave floor. He lets out a low moan then wakes with a sudden gasp and looks over to the cave entrance. Fred enters carrying a wooden bowl in her hand.
Fred: "I found Kalla berries! (Pops a couple in her mouth with a smile) They sweeten the oatmeal. (Crouches down beside the fire) Well - I call it oatmeal. It's actually crug-grain and thistles, but with enough Kalla berries..."
Turns to see Angel slowly getting to his feet.
Fred: "I hope the skins are comfortable. I seem to remember when there were beds you could sleep in for hours at a time!"
Angel: "Oh, yeah, I-I slept. It-it was fine."
Angel walks over to the pool and sits down on the edge of it.
Fred: "Hmm."
Angel: "What? (Looks down at his reflection for a moment before scooping up a handful of water to wash his face.) Did I snore?"
Fred: "Hmm... I don't remember any snoring."
Angel: "Good."
Fred: "I remember caterwauling..."
Fred lets out a short shriek, startling Angel.
Angel: "Sorry."
Fred: "I don't mind. - Sometimes it just burbles up inside you and you have to - bellow a little. Do it all the time. No one's around to hear."
Crouches down in front of Angel and hands him a bowl of 'oatmeal' with a spoon in it.
Fred: "You'll get better with a little rest and care."
Angel: "I don't think so."
Fred: "Why wouldn't ya?"
Angel: "You saw what I turn into. - Back in LA it's bad. But here it's..."
Fred: "We all got our demons."
Angel doesn't look at her, just moves the spoon around in his oatmeal. Fred gets up and walks away from him.
Fred: "Okay, so - maybe you got a beast in you. But I know what it's like to be squirrelly and a freak with no one to... (spins to face Angel) Does it taste like oatmeal?"
Angel hurriedly shoves a spoonful in his mouth.
Fred: "I-I forget what things are supposed to taste like."
Angel: "Tastes good."
Fred takes a step closer and yells 'Tacos!' making Angel jump.
Fred: "Sorry. I didn't mean to holler at you. (Sits down beside Angel) I love tacos. Do they still have them? You know, back..."
Angel: "...home? Yeah, they didn't outlaw tacos."
Fred: "Oh, of course not. I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark."
Angel: "Bark enchiladas. Huh. - How's that going?"
Fred: "There is work to be done."


Cordy: "Come in!"
The door to the throne room opens and a serving maid hurriedly kneels down in front of Cordy.
Marelda: "What may thy lowly serving wench do you, my lady."
Cordy: "You're not lowly. Please get up, get up. You're just like me."
Marelda looks up "Like you? The light that shines in the darkness upon the land?"
Cordy: "Sure. - Is - is-is that what they really call me? (Marelda quickly lowers her eyes again) Anyway. You have served me well and loyally these last - two and a half - days. I'm very fond of you Lamara."
Marelda: "Marelda."
Cordy: "I knew that."
Marelda: "Of course you did, exalted one. You know all. You must cut my tongue from my worthless skull!"
Cordy: "No! No cutting. What is it with you people and mutilation?"
Marelda: "We don't have a lot of - entertainment, mum."
Cordy: "Can you keep a secret, Geraldo?"
Marelda's head snaps up and she nods.
Cordy: "I want you to take me to the mutilation chamber."
Marelda: "This can not be done, majesty."
Cordy: "Why not?"
Marelda: "If anyone were to see you, you would bring shame to the kingdom! You can not defile your holy self by entering such a place."
Cordy: "Huh."
Cordy looks down at the 'dead' head of Lorne with a sigh. Drums her fingers on the pedestal for a moment.
Cordy: "Okay. - Take off your clothes."
Marelda stares up at Cordy. Lorne's eyes blink open.


Angel stands in a little patch of sunshine inside the cave. Fred is sitting a little ways away, mending some garment.
Angel: "Can't do this in LA."
Fred: "Why not?"
Angel: "Oh, I'll burst into flames. - Part of the beast thing."
Fred: "So it's better for you here."
Angel: "Well - there is the sun (lifts his head to face the sun, then lowers it and steps out of the sunlight) but also the thing inside that wants to rip my friends apart."
Fred looks up at him for a moment, then goes back to mending the tunic she is holding on her lap.
Angel sighs and looks at the symbols covering the cave walls.
Angel: "Krv... drplgr.. I know these words. These are the words we used to open up the portals."
Fred: "They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula."
Angel after a beat: "Well, obviously."
Fred: "I used to think that if you said them out loud and in the right order the quaking and quivering would..."
Angel: "Oh, you mean open a portal. - Well, that's how we got here and that's how we'll get back."
Fred: "No. I tried. For years and years - until my tongue was swollen and my head was all kaplooey. It doesn't work on this side."
Angel: "Oh, but it does. A drokken and one of those green warriors got to LA from this end. Somebody must have opened up the portals for them. Maybe you did and you just don't know where."
Fred: "Me? I don't think so. The priests have all the power here."
Angel turns back to look at the walls. Fred screams as a palace guard tackles her. Angel spins around, grabs the guard and tosses him against the cave wall. Another guard attacks Angel, and then the Captain tries to run Angel through with a spear. Angel grabs the spear and deflects it so the Captain stabs the guard behind Angel with it instead.
The Captain hits Angel with his fist, pulls the spear free and uses it to beat up on Angel, who staggers back under the assault.
Angel's eyes suddenly take on a red glow. Fred cowers against one of the cave walls.

Angel: "Can't change. Won't change."
The glow slowly fades.
The Captain swings the spear around, knocks Angel to the ground, then stabs him in the chest with it.


Angel groans as the Captain pulls the spear back out.
Captain: "Missed the heart, did I?"
Runs Angel through a again. Still no heart. Gets ready to try again, but suddenly collapses, revealing Fred behind him, holding a big boulder up above her head.
Fred crouches down beside Angel repeating over and over: "Please don't die. Please don't die."
Angel passes out.


The last of the guards is fleeing the rebel camp. Sasha throws his sword after him and we hear a groan and a thud.
Sasha walks over to the corpse of their leader and pulls the sword out of his body, walks over to where Wes and Gunn, stocks still around their necks, hands bound behind their backs are standing together.

Sasha: "They did not come for us. They came for you. Why?"
Wesley: "Because they know we will try to rescue the princess."
Sasha: "Rescue her from what?"
Wesley: "From mating with the groosalug."
Bartok: "Which will fulfill their prophecies and consolidate their power."
Gunn: "We don't want that to happen any more than you do."
Sasha nods: "You're fight. We are on the same side. Release them."
Some rebels go to untie them and take off the stocks.
Sasha loudly: "Though their hands were tied and their necks were bared they fought with us. (Takes a step closer and continues more quietly) I'm ashamed. We nearly cut your heads off."
Wesley rubbing his neck: "You were just (sighs) doing your job."
Gunn gives Wes a look.
Sasha: "You're free to go."
Wes and Gunn walk past him towards the woods.
Sasha: "Five cheers for the otherworlders!"
Rebels cheering: "Brave warriors! Brave warriors!..."
Wesley: "Oh, in this world you get five!"
Gunn: "So, our first job is to find Angel."
Wesley: "Yes."
Gunn: "Last time we saw him he had a funny look on his face. A 'rip out your guts now, ask questions later' kind of look."
Wesley: "What do you suggest?"
Gunn stops and points back at the camp: "I'm thinking these guys have a cause worth fighting for. Isn't that what we do?"
Wesley: "What about Cordelia?"
Gunn: "If we're gonna be getting her out of that castle we're gonna need a lot of muscle."
Wesley: "Muscle which could come in handy if we have to incapacitate Angel."
Gunn: "Yeah. Also look at them. They won a skirmish today, but they're no match for the covenant. I don't wanna leave them to get themselves killed. - I do that enough."


Fred dabs at the wounds in Angel's chest. Angel's eyes slowly flutter open.
Fred: "Oh. There you are. Good."
Angel: "Hi."
Fred: "You heal fast."
Angel: "One of the pluses of being a beast."
Fred: "But you're not. When you were fighting this time, you didn't change."
Angel: "I was afraid."
Fred: "Of what?"
Angel: "That if I did, I'd never get back."
Fred after a beat: "You're not a beast."
We hear laughter. Fred turns her head to look at the blue faced Captain lying bound on the floor behind her.
Captain: "We'll write that on your bones once he tears you to pieces."
Fred: "I'll just roll him over the cliff into the drokken gully like I did the others."
Angel: "Wait. I need to talk to him."
Angel slowly sits up, and makes his way over to the Captain. Pulls him up by the neck.
Angel: "What can you tell me about the princess, huh?"
Captain: "The filthy cow bitch that brought you into our world?"
Angel: "Call her that again - I'll remove your face - slowly."
Captain: "Once the groosalug mates with her - she'll be put to death. Like we already did with that traitor, Krevlorneswath."
Angel: "You killed Lorne?"
Captain: "We cut his head off and mutilated his body."
Angel pushes the Captain away and starts to move towards the exit.
Angel: "I have to go."
Fred: "It's too dangerous. They'll kill you."
Angel: "My friends are in trouble. One of them is already dead."
Fred: "But it's safe here. Out there it's..."
Angel turns around to look at her.
Fred: "It's safe here with me."
Angel quietly: "I'm sorry."
The Captain pulls a knife from his sleeve and cuts at the bonds around his wrists.
Fred: "They'll kill you and you'll turn into that beast - maybe not exactly in that order."
Angel: "My friends are in trouble."
Fred: "But the beast. I know you don't want them to see you that way. (Angel looks away) I'm not afraid of it like everyone else."
The Captain launches himself at them from behind Fred with his knife. Angel pulls Fred out of the way, as Fred lets out a scream. Taking a hold of the Captain's knife hand he twists it around and stabs him in the gut with it. The Captain drops to the floor. Angel goes over to Fred and pulls the hand clamped over her right upper arm away to get a look at the wound underneath.
Angel: "Alright. You'll be alright."


Cordy, dressed in the servant's dress and carrying a bucket sneaks into the mutilation chamber.
Cordy: "It's pretty dark in here. - Let me just get used to it."
She makes her way deeper into the chamber and spots a table heaped with body parts.
Cordy: "Oh, yuck!"
She drops the bucket and an 'Ouch! Hey!' echoes up out of it.
Cordy: "Sorry. Sorry."
Reaching down into it, Cordy pulls out Lorne's head and holds it out in front of her facing the table.
Cordy: "These people are crazy! - Anything look familiar?"
Lorne: "Get me closer."
Averting her face Cordy inches a little closer, holding Lorne's head at arm's length.
Lorne: "Oh, god. Oh no!"
Cordy: "What? - Boy, that looks like your suit."
Lorne: "It *is* my suit! You think they have French Viscose in this hellhole? (Moans) - Why am I still alive? Once they chop me up it's over! I'm looking at pieces of myself! Oh, it's over! (Sobs) Wait a second. Since when do I have five toes?"
Cordy: "Shh! Somebody's coming."
She presses herself into a dark corner. Lifts Lorne's head to look him in the eyes.
Cordy: "Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you?"
Lorne: "Yes!"
The door opens and a man walks in.
Groo: "Your Highness?"
Cordy hurries over to him: "Groo, it's you!"
Groo: "I have done something terrible. I have betrayed my vows. But he was your friend. I could not stand to see you suffer."
Cordy: "What terrible thing?"
Groo: "I stole his body and put his strange garments on these parts - to fool them."
Cordy: "You did all this for me? - That's not terrible, that's wonderful!"
Throws her arms around Groo and hugs him tight, smashing Lorne's head (still in her hand) against Groo's back.
Lorne: "Ouff! - Feels like somebody works out."
Cordy steps back with a smile for Groo and holds up Lorne's head.
Lorne: "Hi. And thank you from the bottom of my neck on down. - So, ah, where's the rest of me?"
Groo: "I had your body smuggled to your mother's farm. Your cousin Landok shall meet us at the eastern watchtower. He will transport you home."
Cordy turns Lorne's head to face her: "This is great! The man's an honest to god hero!"
Cordy gives Groo another hug, banging Lorne's head against a pillar as she throws her arms around him.
Lorne: "Ouch! - Watch the head!"


The rebels are discussing what to do next.
Bartok: "You still want to storm the castle gates."
Sasha: "Yes! We have to show them!"
Bartok: "We can't defeat them! They have the power, they have the wealth, we have no plan!"
Sasha: "I say we storm the gates!"
Wesley: "If you do they'll cut you down. You can not wage a frontal attack against a stronger opponent. - This kind of battle can only be won through guerilla warfare. (They all just look at him) By being sneaky! You create a diversion then you strike at several different points at once. While they are looking ahead, you come from behind."
Sasha: "And kill their leader."
Wesley: "Yes."
Bartok: "Silas, their head priest."
Sasha: "It's a good plan."
Bartok: "I agree."
Sasha lift up the bloody sword he pulled from their leader's body and holds it out to Wesley.
Sasha: "You shall lead us!"
Wesley: "Wha... Me? No, no, no, I was just suggesting that..."
Bartok: "No, no, you fought well. The Covenant hates you. And you know the princess."
Sasha: "And you have a *plan*."
Bartok: "Besides, our leader is dead."
Sasha puts the sword in Wesley's hand: "Hail to our new leader!"
Rebels yell: "Hail!"
Wesley aside to Gunn: "Why do people keep putting me in charge of things?"
Gunn: "I have no idea."
Rebels: "Hail!"


Angel is tying a bandage around Fred's arm.
Angel: "How's it feel?"
Fred: "Alright."
Angel: "Ah, it's best if you don't move it for a while. (Takes deep breath and motions towards the exit) Well, I better..."
Fred: "Help your friends. - I know. - You're a good man."
They look at each other for a moment then Angel turns and walks out of the cave.
Fred slowly walks across the cave and sits down with her back against the wall, looks down at the gournd.
Angel comes back in.

Angel: "I - don't actually know how to get there."
Fred: "Oh. (Gets up) I can show you."


Groo is pacing in the Throne room. Cordy, back in her princess garb is sitting on a step.
Groo: "I disobeyed the Covenant. I shall spend eternity burning in Tarkna for my sin."
Cordy: "Oh, who believes a literal Tarkna nowadays."
Groo: "It was worth it for one moment of your intimate touch."
Cordy gets up: "That was an accident. I-it was kind of dark and - oh - you mean the hug. (They smile at each other and Cordy giggles a little) When I hugged you. That was nice. (Shakes herself) Where were we? Oh, yeah, the nut-cake clergy guys. They *need* someone to disobey them. They're evil and they run an evil regime."
Groo: "It's not my duty to question authority."
Cordy: "Hold on there. You're groosalug, the brave and undefeated champion, if it's not your duty to fight evil than I don't know what is."
Groo: "I fight who I'm told. - I'm not a real champion!"
Cordy: "Then it is time you stopped working for Monk-boy and became one. What you did for me and my friend that was pure champ - all the way."
Groo: "I am unworthy of lifting your burden, highness."
Cordy: "Nonsense, you're way worthy. - What burden is that again?"
Groo: "When you receive me - on the night we are wed."
Cordy: "Receive? - Oh! - Receive. When I and you - on our wedding night... I imagine there'll be some burden lifting on both sides. Not that I have a lot of experience or anything!"
Groo: "It is foretold in the ancient prophecies that one will come who is cursed with the visions. She will mate with the groosalug whose demon blood shall absorb them."
Cordy: "Absorb them?"
Groo: "Your visions shall pass to me."
Cordy turns away from him: "Ugh! I *knew* there was a catch! - You can't take my visions! I need them! I-I use them to help my friends fight evil back home!"
Groo: "And I will use them here to fight evil, just as you have done."
Cordy: "Groo - I can't give up my visions. - I *like* them. Okay, I don't like the searing pain and agony that is steadily getting worse."
Groo: "You are pure human. - You are not meant to carry such a burden."
Cordy: "Maybe not. - But I'm not ready to give them up either. - They're a part of who I am now. They're an honor. And you know - the visions, they only last for like a..."
Cordy puts a hand to her head as she gets hit by a vision. Groo manages to keep her from falling as she gets some blurry images of Groo lying on the ground, a growling beast on top of him.
Cordy: "No. No."


Wesley, Gunn and the rebels are developing a battle plan.
Wesley: "The groosalug is our most formidable opponent. We *have* to get him out of the castle. If challenged to fight he has to accept?"
Sasha: "Yes. A champion of the realm he can not refuse, but no man can defeat the groosalug."
Wesley: "We'll worry about defeating him later. Our first step is to get him out of there. Once he's out we'll create diversions here, here and here. (Sets some rocks on a map on the table in front of him.) Then a few of us will scale their back wall here where their defenses are weakest."
Gunn: "I wouldn't split my crew up this much if I was leading this charge."
Wesley: "I'm leading this charge. Tell me about the killing device."
Sasha: "It send a signal to the collar on every slave in the land."
Shows Wes a drawing of the jeweled-hand device.
Gunn: "What kind of signal?"
Bartok: "Blows their heads off."
Wesley: "If Silas thinks he's losing he'll use it. We have to get to him before he does."
Sasha: "The castle is well guarded."
Angel: "Unlike this place."
Angel steps out from behind a tree, followed by Fred. Rebels draw weapons and converge on them, on fo them dropping out of the very tree Angel just past to land behind them.
Wesley: "It's alright. It's alright. He's a friend."
Sasha: "Glad we were keeping watch."
Gunn: "He's Angel. He does that. (Points at Fred) How she do that?"
Angel: "She's Fred. She does that, too."
Wesley: "Fred. Winifred? The girl from Cordy's vision?"
Sasha to some rebels: "Check the perimeter - the east groves!"
The rebels disperse hurriedly.
Angel: "These are my friends - Wesley - Gunn."
Fred smiles: "Hi-ya."
Wesley: "These, ah (sees that all the rebels are gone) those were the rebels. We've joined forces."
Gunn: "They made Wes their general."
Wesley: "But you're here now. Ah (Indicates the battle plan) if you want to... I mean - you're much better at..."
Angel: "No, Wes, I-I can't... - You know what happens to me. (Looks down) I-I'm sorry... (Looks at Gunn) ...ashamed of what I did to you."
Gunn with a slight nod: "It's kind of a crazy place here. - The sooner we all get out of here the better."
Angel: "Fred here might be able to help us with that. She knows a lot about portals."
Fred: "Not a lot. The trionic speechcraft formulation/modification has to alter the dynamic reality sphere... - Lutzbalm predicted it at Zurig in '89 -- laughed him off the stage -although this slavery and degradation's no laughing matter...(laughs) ... it's no Crug-grain and Kalla berry breakfast all right."
After beat Wes and Gunn turn to look at Angel.
Angel: "She's been here a while. - Guys, ah, I have some bad news about Lorne."
Rebel: "Ah, we captured this warrior of the Deathwok clan."
They turn to see Landok dragging two rebels into camp by their necks, then push them into the dirt.
They guys walk over to meet Landok, Fred doing her best to hide behind Angel.

Angel: "Landok."
Landok: "Angel, the drokken killer. I *will* not battle you for saving the slave girl's neck."
Wesley throws a look over at Angel.
Angel: "Good."
Landok: "It is forbidden to do battle while performing a sacred duty. (Takes a basket off his shoulder) I was transporting my kinsman home - when these fools tried to stop me."
Angel quietly to the guys: "I was trying to tell you. They cut off the host's head."
Wesley: "What?"
Gunn: "No."
Landok: "Yes. I have it right here."
He opens the basket and holds it out towards them. They take a few hesitant steps closer and peer down into the basket, Fred peeking out from behind Angel. Lorne's head lies in the basket, eyes closed.
We get a shot of the four of them as if we were looking up at them from inside the basket.

Angel: "He was..."
Gunn: "Yeah."
Wesley: "Hmm."
Lorne's eyes pop open: "That's it?"
Angel, Gunn and Wes all recoil with a scream, leaving Fred the only one still framed by the rim of the basket, peering down - completely unmoved.
Lorne: "Where is the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love?"


The round circle of the basket rim blends into a shot of the full moon up in the night sky.
Wesley is sitting in front of a fire, leaning on an unsheathed sword.

Gunn: "I'm only gonna say this once. The guys you send to create those diversions are gonna die."
Wesley after a beat: "Yes they are. (Gets up and looks at Gunn) You try not to get anybody killed you wind up getting everybody killed. (To the camp) Get ready to move out."
Angel: "What do you want me to do?"
Wesley: "Go to the village. Call out the groosalug - and kill him."
Angel: "Kill their undefeated champion. - I can't do that without turning into the beast."
Wesley: "I know."
Angel looks around for a moment then takes a step closer to Wes.
Angel: "Look, when I fired you guys the reason I... Darkness was coming out in me. I didn't want you near it. - The thing that comes out here is ten times worse. - Wes. - I do this - you know I won't come back from it."
Wesley: "Yes, you will. I know you. (Glances over at Gunn) We know you. We know you're a man with a demon inside - not the other way around. *We* know you have the strength to do what needs to be done, and you will come back to us."
Angel and Wes look at each other for a long moment.
Fred: "I could go with you. I know how to prepare the challenge torch."
Wesley puts a hand on Angel's shoulder.
Wesley: "You'll come back."
Angel looks over at Gunn, whose face remains expressionless, then he and Fred leave.
Gunn to Wes: "You really think he'll come back?"
Wesley turning to leave: "I need *him* to think it."
Gunn stares after Wesley.


Cordy is reclining on a lounger, eyes closed, with Groo sitting on the edge of it.
Groo: "What can I get you princess?"
Cordy: "Nothing. - Just don't leave! - And whatever you do, don't fight a big, ugly, pointy demon with green skin - I saw what he'll do to you."
The door opens and Silas comes in, followed by a couple more priests.
Silas: "Good. I see we're progressing towards mating. Let's get on with it."
Cordy: "Huh? What about the wedding?"
Silas: "I tire of waiting. Do it!"
Cordy gets up: "With you guys standing around? I don't think so!"
Silas stepping closer: "Then I'll encourage you."
Another priest enters: "My lord! There is something in the village you will want to see."
The priests walk over to a window and look out.
Angel, trailed by Fred, is entering the village square, carrying a burning triple-torch. Angel steps up on the podium and plants the torch in a holder there.

Angel: "I challenge the groosalug to mortal combat."
Angel glances back at Fred, who was mouthing the words along with him. Fred gives him two thumbs up.
Angel: "Come out and face me you spineless coward!"
Fred: "Uh! Why'd you add that coward thing? That's really gonna piss him off."
Fred goes to hide behind a market stand.


Cordy: "What is going on? Who's yelling."
Silas to Groo: "You have been challenged. You must fight."
Cordy: "What? No! No fighting. I had a vision, he can't fight!"
Silas: "The honor of the kingdom is at stake."
Cordy: "Will you listen to me?!"
Silas: "Silence!"
Groo turns to follow Silas out of the room.
Cordy: "No! Don't do it, please. Don't do it! Groo, no! No! No!"
The priest shut the doors behind them.


Groo looks out the window at the challenge torch.
Groo: "Who calls me out?"
Silas: "Do you love your princess?"
Groo: "More than I thought possible."
Silas: "If this *filth* should win - he will ravage - and he will defile her. - He will use her for his pleasure again - and again. - And when she has no more screaming in her - he will *kill* her."
Groo: "He will *not*! He will die!"


We look out through some bushes at the guards in front of one of the castle gates. A voice rings out.
"The groosalug has been challenged. He will fight the challenger in the village square!"
Wesley watches as some of the guards run off, then moves deeper into the bushes where the rest of the rebels are waiting. He gives some hand signals and some of the rebels move off. A few moments later voices ring out again.
"Rebels at the south gate!" A few more guards run off. "Rebels at the north wall!"
Wesley crouches down next to Bartok and looks at him. Bartok looks from Wesley to the guards left in front of the gate, then rises and charges yelling: "Death to the state! - Death to the state!"
Two more rebels follow him to engage the remaining guards as Wesley looks down to the ground. Then signals for the others to follow him.
Gunn throws a grappling hook up over the wall and begins to scale it. Two rebels charge the gate with a battering ram.
One of the rebels fighting the guards lets out a scream as a sword slices across his stomach.


The groosalug arrives at the village square in a chariot, takes off his gloves, walks up on the podium and holds his hand into the flames of the torch.
Angel: "This guy - he doesn't feel pain?"
Fred: "Oh, he-he feels it, but - he's the groosalug. He overcomes all things. - Good luck."
Ducks down behind an empty market stand.
Groo: "You will die, barbarian!"
Groo walks over to a rack to pick up an ax and a club and goes to attack Angel, who barely manages to get a few kicks and hits in between the ones he receives from Groo.
Angel is hit hard in the stomach and flies backwards onto the ground. Groo follows up with a downward swing of his ax.


Angel manages to avoid the ax, get back to his feet and attack Groo in return, but soon gets kicked through the air again. The flies through the tarp of the market stand Fred is hiding behind and lands on the ground not far from her.
Fred: "You can't hold back! You'll die!"
Angel: "Not holding back - holding on."


Silas is walking down a corridor. A priest hurries up behind him.
Priest: "My lord, rebels have breached the castle!"
Wes, Gunn a couple of rebels are coming up another corridor.
Wesley: "It's Silas. Stop him."
They charge at Silas but are intercepted by some palace guards as Silas and the other priest hurry away down the corridor.
Guard: "There they are!"
A nicely choreographed sword-fight sequence follows during which the outnumbered infiltrators eventually finish off the guards.


Cordy is pacing in the priest's chambers, wearing a dark red cloak over her princess outfit. Silas comes in and Cordy hurries over to him.
Cordy: "Oh, there you are. Please, I had a vision. The beast is gonna kill him. You have to stop it!"
Silas hits her hard across the face sending her reeling to the ground.
Silas: "This is all your fault! (Grabs her by the throat and pulls her up to face him) You think you can *destroy* our way of life? Think again! I will kill every cow in the world before I allow that to happen. (Pulls the cloth off the killing device) Everyone of you."
Pushes her away. Cordy crashes against a bookcase and drops to the floor.


Groo and Angel are still fighting in the square, with Angel barely holding his own. Groo kicks Angel back to the ground next to some posts. Angel comes back up with a sturdy stick in his hand, but before he can use it, Groo whips out one of those things the old demon man used to capture Cordy. It winds itself around the wrist of Angel's right hand, tying it tightly against one of the posts, and causing him to drop the stick.
Groo walks up and starts to bludgeon Angel with his cudgel.

Groo: "You would defile her! You animal!"
Groo keeps pounding on Angel. Fred hides her face behind her hand.
Angel is hanging by his right wrist, still tethered firmly against the post, and Groo lowers his cudgel.
Angel slowly lifts his head to look at him - and morphs into the Angel-beast. The guards' horses rear, almost unseating them.
Groo swings the cudgel but the Angel-beast catches it in its left hand, then tosses Groo across the square before ripping its right hand free.
Groo barely manages to get to his feet before the beast pounces on him in one incredible leap.


Cordy is swaying in front the bookcase, her head lowered. Silas' hand is hovering over the killing device. Wes, followed by Gunn, Bartok and Sasha come charging in.
Silas: "You're a little late."
Wesley lowers his sword, hands it to Sasha and holds up his hand without ever taking his eyes off Silas.
Wesley: "Stand down. (To Silas) You don't have to do this."
Silas: "I don't have to - but I'm going to. (Cordy slowly straightens up behind him) And you and your filthy cow-princess can go straight..."
Cordy swings the sword she has picked up as hard as she can and Silas' head goes flying off his neck.
Cordy: "Your cow-princess is tired of hearing you yak, padre."
Gunn: "Nice going."
Cordy: "These guys *stay* dead without a head?"
Sasha: "Oh yeah."
Cordy: "Good. We need to get back to the village now! The groosalug is facing a terrible beast, I saw it."
Wesley: "Actually the beast he's facing is Angel."


Groo is getting mauled, barely managing to keep the beast away from his throat as the two of them roll around in the dirt. The beast pins him down and Groo squeezes his eyes shut, awaiting the inevitable. The beast pulls its clawed hand off Groo's face and Groo opens his eyes to look up at Angel, back in his human face.
Angel: "We're not gonna do this. We're gonna find another way."
Angel backs off from Groo.
Angel: "I'm not an animal."
Cordy: "Stop!"
Groo sits up and punches Angel hard into the stomach sending him reeling back.
Cordy: "Stop the fight! Stop!"
Angel: "Alright. What part of me being all noble here - didn't get through?"
Cordy runs up between them.
Cordy: "Stop. Stop the fight. Don't hurt him. Stop. (Looks at Groo) I love him. I love him."
Angel: "You love me?"
Cordy frowns at Angel: "Not you, dumb ass. Him! I love him!"
Cordy gives Groo a quick hug.
Angel: "Oh."
Cordy: "Lay down your weapons! Silas is dead. All priests have been defeated. Any guard who harms a human from this day forth shall have to answer to me!"
Angel: "She loves me, too, right?"
Cordy hugs Groo again: "Are you okay? - Did he hurt you?"
Angel: "As a friend and co-worker."
Cordy: "Can I get some medical attention around here, people?"
Angel: "Maybe love is too strong a term."


The double Pylean suns are blazing up in the sky.
Lorne walks out of a room at his mom's farm twisting his neck to where Angel is waiting for him

Lorne: "Good as new - though I seem to have put on about a hundred and fifty eight pounds."
Angel: "You look great. Love the trousers."
Lorne: "Yeah. It's been a thrill, mom. See you in a millenium or three."
Angel catches a hold of Lorne's arm to stop him from just walking out.
Angel quietly: "Hey. Isn't there something you wanna say to your mother?"
Lorne: "Hmm, may you burn in Tarkna?"
Angel: "Come on. She's not that bad. I mean, she didn't store your body on top of the maggot pile like you thought she would, now did she?"
Lorne turns to face his mom: "Bye mom. Thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap."
Angel does a slight double take as Lorne turns away, scratching his side.
Mom: "I thought you were lost to us forever. (Sniffs. Lorne turns back to face her) But you came back. You came back. (A slight smile starts to play over Lorne's face) The runt of my loins came back after raining such *misery* upon our lives (Lorne's smile fades) and managed to shame up even further!"
Mom spits upon Lorne and Angel claps a hand on him.
Angel: "Alright then. We'll just be..."
Mom: "Who's supposed to do our labor now that your cow-friend has freed the slaves? You know what they call me - at the hall of Drink and Chance? - Mother of the vile excrement!" Angel: "Be sure to keep in touch."
Angel pulls Lorne towards the door.
Mom: "Go on, misfit! Back to your world where no one knows his place!"
Angel and Lorne walk down the outside steps.
Mom: "May you rot in Tarkna!"
Mom slams the door shut behind them.
Angel: "Every family's got its problems."
Mom muffled: "Numfar, do the dance of shame."
We hear some shuffling and clomping coming from the house behind them.
Angel: "Yours more than most."
Lorne: "My psychic friend told me I had to come back here. I didn't believe her. Then I realized I *did* have to come back here, because - I really always thought I had to come back here, deep down inside, you know? I had to come back here to find out I *didn't* have to come back here. I don't belong here. I hate it here. You know where I belong? LA. You know why? *Nobody* belongs there. It's the perfect place for guys like us."
Angel nods his head, a slight smile on his face.
Angel: "That's kind of beautiful."
The start walking down the path leading away from the farm.
Lorne: "Ain't it? I'm very moved, if I do say so myself."
Angel claps him on the back: "Please do."
Lorne: "You know, I feel a song coming on."
Angel: "Yeah, I thought you might."
Lorne singing: "Somewhere over the rainbow..."
Two guys that were doing something at the side of the road further down, clap their hands over their ears and sink to the ground, groaning.
Lorne: "...way up high..."


Cordy is pacing in front of her throne, holding an ax in her hands. Groo stands behind her. There are human servants present, none wearing a collar, and a priest.
Cordy: "I have a vision. Actually I have two visions, and in one of them you get to keep your head."
Priest: "How may I be of service your majesty?"
Cordy: "Take a memo. (A girls hands him a parchment and quill) As it is now written - all citizens are created equal. Slavery and religious persecution are outlawed."
Cordy swings the ax. The priest jumps as the ax shatters the killing device.
Wes, Fred, and Gunn come hurrying in, each one holding one of the Wolf, Ram and Hart books.

Wesley: "I think we did it."
Fred: "I-I was opening portals but I couldn't tell where. You-you need the priests' formulas to figure that out on this side."
Cordy: "So we can go home!"
Gunn holding up the book: "All we have to do is take these to Angel's car and have her say the words."
Priest: "Those are sacred books! (Cordy looks at him) Which *you* should have - as a small memento."
Cordy walks up to Groo.
Cordy: "You're in charge now. You got a long road ahead. (Leads him up the steps to the throne) Slavery has ended but - reconstruction has just begun."
Groo: "What is this - recon-struction?"
Cordy: "Gunn, you wanna field this?"
Gunn: " It means - sayin' people are free don't make 'em free. - You got - races that hate each other, you got some folks gettin' work they don't want, - others losin' the little they had. - You're lookin' at social confusion, economic depression and probably - some riots. - Good luck."
Cordy: "You'll do fine."
Groo: "It worries me - but - not as much as.... (Takes her hands) Do you have to go, majesty?"
Cordy: "I don't want to. I'm *really* gonna miss your eyes - and the majesty thing - but-but I have a job to do back home. - It was really fun being your princess."
Cordy takes Groo's face between her hands and they kiss. Wes and Gunn look down, but Fred watches, a big smile spreading across her face.
Cordy finishes the kiss, patting Groo on the cheek. He picks up her cloak and drapes it over her shoulders.

Groo: "God speed, princess."
Cordy: "Bye Groo."
Tying the strings of her cloak Cordy walks down the steps and across the room towards the others, smiling as the people on both sides of the aisle bow and say 'your majesty.'
The others fall in behind her as they walk out.

Wesley: "Should people be bowing in a free society?"
Cordy: "These things take time."


A slight wind tinkles the glasses in a deserted Caritas. The curtain behind the stage starts to billow. White spots of light appear and coalesce to form a portal. Angel's convertible comes barreling through with Angel, Cordy and Wes in the front, Gunn, Fred and Lorne in the back, all of them screaming. Angel manages to stop the car as it rams into the bar after crashing through the tables in front of the stage.
Lorne: "You know I've been thinking about remodeling the bar. - Who's up for a nightcap?"
They all get up out of the car.


Hyperion, night. Cordy, Fred and the guys are entering the garden court.
Fred: "Are-are you sure about that?"
Cordy: "Trust me. Tacos everywhere - and - soap!"
Gunn: "Yo, that portal jumping is a fun ride. We sell it to a theme park we could get paid!"
Angel pushes to the front as the get to the doors leading into the hotel itself.
Angel smiling: "Okay. Can I say it? I wanna say it."
Wesley: "Say what?"
Angel pushes the double doors open, walking into the lobby.
Angel: "There's no place like..."
Trails off as he sees Willow sitting hunched up on one of the chairs in the lobby.
Angel's smile vanishes as Willow looks up at him.

Angel: "Willow?"
Cordy: "What's..?"
Willow slowly gets up, never taking her eyes of Angel.
Angel quietly: "It's Buffy."



Caterwaling Stats

  • Last updated 01 May 2024
  • Member Count 33
  • Pending Members 0
  • Affiliates 5
  • Codes 59
  • Screencaps 670
  • Icons 13
Adam Carr Valentine Movie Fanlisting

The Devoted Update

30th March

Fixed issues with Indiscripts Fanlisting Script not working on new server settings. Also removed all email address of fan to protect contact details and added reCAPTCHA to all form across the collective.

You currently have javascript disabled. This site requires javascript to be enabled. Some functions of the site may not be useable or the site may not look correct until you enable javascript. You can enable javascript by following this tutorial. Once javascript is enabled, this message will be removed.